In these times of change, while we are trying to make up our own rules to live by, hetrosexual men seem to be portrayed more and more like monsters. Like something to be avoided. But God created men to be ‘masculine’ – that is, to be a bit macho. Now I know that all through history, many men have taken this too far and have ended up isolating themselves by either not explaining their feelings and leaving their spouses to guess at what’s going on in their heads, (often getting it totally wrong, because women don’t think the same way as men). Or by being aggressive – thinking that their power needs to be asserted to be ‘a man.’ Or by using their sex drive as an excuse to sleep with whomever they want, whenever they want, however they want, because they are a man! and men are entitled to sow their wild oats!

But I am reminded that God made man and woman to live together in harmony. He created us to be different in our outlooks so that together, we blend into a perfect couple. (Genesis 1:27, Matthew 19:1-11)

Because men are generally physically stronger than women, and are meant to be the leaders of the family, many have misinterpreted God’s intentions, and trodden their family down in an effort to be ‘the boss.’

Yes, men are the head of the family.

Yes, they are, (generalising for a moment), physically able to do more of the hard, physical work.

Yes, they should defend their family when under attack.

Yes, they are mentally created to solve problems and be someone who supports the family.

But this doesn’t mean that they are to rule the family with a rod of iron! Running rough shod over their wives and children to bolster their own desire to feel powerful just proves how weak they are really feeling.

This is what has happened for generations, and in many places still goes on now. This behaviour is the reason for the sexual revolution. Women feel unappreciated, undervalued and often afraid of their own husbands. In many homes, the women’s needs are totally ignored and in some they beaten for their opinions. This is not what God wants from men.

I think I have said before, that God wants men to lead from the front. The man is to be the leader of the family, not the dictator of the household! A general who leads his men into battle, shows by example how to be brave and puts his life on the line for those who are trusting in him.

A strong man doesn’t have to beat his wife and children to prove how tough a or masterful he is. He puts his family’s needs before his own. He leads the family in the ways of God. He shows by example that we need to rein in our feelings and immediate instincts - especially  when a crisis occurs, and he shows them how to be loving and kind through his responses to his wife. By example, he takes their problems to God first, then goes out and do what is right, not just for themselves, but their whole family. (Jeremiah 10:23). This takes enormous strength of character!! Anyone who thinks this is soppy, doesn’t know what they’re talking about!

Christ was not a soppy man. He was quiet, respectful, caring, loving, but when necessary, able to face down his opposers, stand up for his faith and get angry, but not let his anger lead him into sin! (like the time he tipped up the money exchangers tables in the courtyard of the temple – which was horrifying to those there). And to top it off, he took a thorough beating and enormous pain for people who rejected him, so no! he wasn’t weak as some think.

The strength men have been given is to be used for the benefit of his family and neighbours. In this way, men glorify God. By using their masculinity wisely, and thanking God for it.

If they do this properly, then their wives and children will look up to them. This does not mean that they will never have any family problems, no, but it means that they will be dealing with problems within their God given talents.

A wife is to support her husband, not because she is less than him, but because he needs that support, and between them, they teach their children to be well balanced human beings.

A wife is immensely important to the family. Her feelings are there to bring emotional balance to the family. She is a strong person in her own right. She brings understanding, compassion, and empathy to the family group, as well as doing the hard work needed to keep a family in good health. And on top of all this they often go out to work to help pay the bills, so they should be appreciated, not subjugated.

Too many men in the world think that bringing home the food or money is all they have to do in the relationship and that this earns them the right to be lord and master of the family.

They are so wrong! And they put enormous pressure on their wives and children by not helping in any way with the running of the house and the bringing up of their children – girls as well as boys.

Ephesians 5 talks about how husbands and wives should be with each other. The gist of it is; love one another, husbands are to love their wives as much as their own bodies! work for one another in love, and put your spouse first. If you are both working to put the other person first, love will blossom and grow. 

This is how I understand my God.

Read for yourself, see what you think.